Pat Robertson is the REAL “blessing in disguise”

I’m glad I’m not a gambler. I would have bet my lovely new sofa that some fire-spewing fundamentalist would say that the earthquake in Haiti was caused by an act of the brutal and vindictive God of his particular religion. It never occurred to me that a fire-spewing fundamentalist would blame the devastation on a satanic curse! Ha’ mercy. It appears that absolutely no one but Pat Robertson knew that Haitian leaders had made “a pact with the devil” a couple of centuries ago.

But wait–there’s more: Robertson claimed on his television show that the earthquake could be a “blessing in disguise.” Of course! Now the country has an opportunity to rebuild from scratch, and perhaps rid itself of that ugly curse, he concluded.

I’m sorry, but Robertson is the real blessing here–at least for me. Not only has he so dramatically demonstrated how ludicrous it is for 21st century Earthlings to share the beliefs of ancients who attributed everything to God because they knew nothing of seismology or any of the other sciences that have provided more intelligent explanations. Robertson’s latest unenlightened utterance has inspired so many creative responses that I was spared that task today.

I had just written the first paragraph of this blog post when I received an email from a friend in Los Angeles. It contained a link to a recent opinion column in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune. The column included letters from two Earthlings who actually think–something the good Reverend Robertson should try, from time to time, unless he’s acquired a craving for shoe leather.

With that, the Loud Mouth will shut up so that you can enjoy these delightful letters! In case the link above doesn’t work, I’ve pasted the column below. I don’t want you to miss this:

Letter of the day: Haiti suffers, and Robertson sees the hand of Satan

Last update: January 14, 2010 – 6:44 PM

In a small paragraph on page A10 of the Jan. 14 Star Tribune is a report about the remarks made by evangelical broadcaster Pat Robertson. Obviously, Robertson believes in creation, not evolution, or he would understand that earthquakes predate the human concept of a curse. Also, Poseidon was considered in mythology to be the god of earthquakes and the sea; therefore, it stands to reason that perhaps he, too, was offended? I hope that Robertson will make a public apology to the people of Haiti for making such a ridiculous statement.



Dear Pat Robertson, I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract. Best, Satan