Expectation: Root of Disappointment

Overcoming Disappointment: Part 1

Disappointed young manPhysicist Albert Einstein asserted that we cannot solve problems from the same level of consciousness at which they were created. Perhaps that’s why I’m seeing an increase in requests for one-on-one Drama Queen Workshop consultations.

It appears that more of us are beginning to realize that we can’t solve a problem until we fully understand it. At the current level of consciousness, some things seem absolutely incomprehensible; so it seems logical, perhaps even natural, to come at it from another vantage point.

Unquestionably, problems look starkly different when you’re standing in the footlights of the world’s stage than when you’re sitting in the balcony. Frequently, the solutions to those problems can easily be spotted from up there, too. With that possibility in mind, we begin to look for the solutions together.

Even though each person has a different set of circumstances and concerns, I’ve noticed that one problem seems to arise more frequently than others: Disappointment. Many are disappointed by the situation they’re in, the person they’re with or the direction their lives have taken. They had a different vision and grander expectations. Therein lies the rub.

Expectation: Root of Disappointment

I think my “all the world’s a stage” mentor, Shakespeare, has given voice to a truth that a lot of us choose to ignore: “Expectation is the root of all heartache.” Instead, we follow directives to create expectations and visualize those expectations in great detail. They tell us to feel euphoric, as if we actually have received what we desire.

Some even tell us that if we don’t expect something, we won’t get it. But what is a disappointment but an unfulfilled expectation? And, oh—by the way, how do these folks explain surprises: those gifts that we never envisioned?

My unexpected trip last year to Egypt—on short notice, with all expenses paid, including a luxurious suite in a five-star hotel on the Nile River—comes to mind. My daughter, Maiysha, was headlining the “Sing Egyptian Woman” competition as part of a cultural exchange program for the U.S. Embassy in Cairo.

I accompanied as her publicist. The trip far exceeded my most vivid imagination!

Days after we returned, I had to cancel a long-planned, highly anticipated, prepaid trip to a conference in San Juan. So much for expectations.

What is the real “secret” to manifesting our desires?

Pat at the sphinxWhenever I mention my trip to Egypt, others ask: “How did you manifest that? I want to do that!”

I tell them the same thing I wrote in my book on the Law of Attraction secrets no one wants to talk about: Manifesting depends more on “being” than “doing.” Your soul history plays a significant role, too. I can’t delve into that in a blog post; however, in my metaphysical memoir, I do cite a surprising, real-life example of how my soul’s ancient history impacted my 20th century life.

Chances are, you don’t know anyone who has never experienced a disappointment or a surprise. You probably don’t know people who have always received what they expected. I’m sure the same is true of those who tell us how critical it is to have expectations, so it’s difficult for me to believe that they are unaware that their claim is fallacious.

We want to hear that we control our lives and our experiences here, and there are those who are willing to tell us that we do–sometimes they even charge a fee to hear it. But the fact that so many of us pray for one outcome or another is evidence that humans don’t have total power over what manifests here. So why do some spiritual leaders and motivational/transformational speakers tell us that?

I’m sure their hearts’ desire is to empower and motivate us. But are you more likely to empower someone or set them up for disappointment by misleading them?

You can have everything you want. Really.

From up here in the Balcony of Life, it appears that Spirit said, “You can have everything you want.”

Before finding out if Spirit had said all It had to say, folks excitedly dashed off to “empower” people with the few words they heard. Word spread like wildfire. Apparently, no one asked, “Then why don’t I have it already?”

Short answer: Spirit sees us as souls. When It says “you,” Spirit isn’t talking about the physical body costume you are wearing. The body merely enables you to be visible on Earth’s stage now. It is not “you.”

Indisputably, you can have everything you want. In fact, you do have everything you want, Dear Soul—YOU, not your body. Whatever situation you’re in, whatever you manifest here, you—as an eternal soul—created it.

Understand that to the soul, a human lifetime is a bat-of-an-eyelash experience. Whether a prince or a prisoner, it’s just a role to the soul: a way to experience Life in a different way, learn some lessons, create or complete some karma.

While that’s fine and dandy for immortal souls that have written the scripts, their mortal bodies might be catching hell. That’s when my phone starts ringing and my e-mailbox blows up.

Why did I create this? How does it serve me?Then begins the first step on the journey to find the source of the discomfort. It always starts with this question: “Why did I, as Soul, create this painful situation?”

Life isn’t random, and what happens here on Earth is not intended to hurt us. In fact, as immortal souls, it’s impossible to hurt us. Our only pain comes from our belief that we are mere mortals, disconnected from God.

That, in itself, creates a lot of uncertainty and insecurity that leaves us vulnerable to scary stories about an angry vindictive Being who lives far away in the sky, solves problems by killing humans, and has threatened to come down here to judge us, then sentence us to an eternity of torture.

It’s a not-so-Divine drama starring someone who’s certifiably satanic. He demands that we love and worship him, and we do.

Why, God, why?

You’ve heard that everything happens for a reason. Essentially, every drama in which we find ourselves was scripted purposefully. That’s why the most appropriate questions to ask when we want to move to another scene is, “Why did I, as Soul, create this horror flick? How does it serve my life’s purpose?”

If you dare to ask these questions, Spirit will answer. It’s the one thing I can say you can expect. Your answer may come through—wait for it—unexpected channels: a commercial on TV, something someone says in the line at the grocery store, or one of those “something told me” moments when you’re alone.

Stay open. Listen. Trust. If you want to, drop me a note and tell me what you heard—and how it made you feel to get a response. If you must visualize, see yourself surrounded by unconditionally loving souls who are always available, willing and able to support you through your toughest times.

In Part 2, we’ll go a little deeper and explore ways to eliminate disappointment from your life experience.

Death is not…THE END.

Last night I ran across notes hastily jotted during one of the many times in 2003 that Spirit whispered the common sense spirituality that culminated in my first book. Among the wisdom imparted during that time were four profound life principles that have reframed the way I look at life on Earth’s stage, and now form the foundation of my playful Drama Queen Workshop™ exercises:

Life is always fair, God is never far, Death is not THE END, Absolutely nothing is unforgivable

The third Drama Queen principle, “Death is not THE END,” has been uppermost on my mind since hearing the news that Whitney Houston had left the stage. Most around me were focused on this tragic loss. Among them, my singer-songwriter daughter, who grew up worshiping Whitney and has set Whitney’s high musical standards as the bar she strives to reach.

What a thrill it was for Whitney to make a comeback appearance at the Grammys in 2009, the year Maiysha was nominated for best performance in her category. Now this. My child was almost inconsolable.

It was difficult enough to offer adequate comfort across the miles. (Maiysha has always loved to put her head in my lap while I stroke her forehead.) But it was even more difficult—actually, impossible to ignore this truth: Death of a mortal body is not THE END of an immortal soul. The soul who came here as Whitney is very much alive and undoubtedly well.

I’ve learned in the past that those who remain rarely want to hear this when a loved one exits Earth’s stage. Some are actually offended by the possibility that we are more than flesh, bones and blood.

We grieve deeply—not for the departed, but for ourselves because we can no longer be together physically. It matters not that the departed are closer, more accessible as Spirit than when they were weighted down by body costumes.

There’s so much evidence that death of a body is like removing a costume, as I’ve previously posted. I’ve personally witnessed it, as have millions of others. Who hasn’t had a “something told me to…” moment when there was no one else around?

Every Goodbye Ain’t Gone

Something in Whitney’s funeral program reminded me of an incident I recounted in my first book, “EARTH Is the MOTHER of All Drama Queens.” It happened the day my mother made her transition.

Sitting in a hair salon, I heard my mother whisper, “I just wanted to say goodbye.”

I was suddenly overwhelmed with grief. I was crying so hard, I couldn’t visit my mother in the hospital across the street, as planned. When I arrived home, there was a voicemail message that confirmed my suspicions.

At my mother’s visitation, her best friend walked up to me, stunned and a bit spooked. She said that her doorbell had rung the day Mother passed. When she went to the door, my mother was standing there. She just stood. She said nothing. Then she disappeared.

“She was wearing that suit!” Aunt Doris gasped, pointing to the casket.

My heart rose into my throat.

The day Mother made her transition, that gorgeous white suit was hanging in my closet. It was one of my favorites, but I rarely wore it. Days later, I thought it would be perfect for her on this occasion, so I took it to the funeral home.

What Aunt Doris was telling me was that before I’d even made the decision to bury Mother in my suit, she’d had already seen Mother wearing it!

Now we learn that Cissy Houston has a similar testimonial, which she shared in a letter to Whitney published in the funeral program:

Whitney Houston

“[God] came for you. But not without warning. For two months now I have been depressed, crying, lonesome and sad and not knowing why.

“On Saturday before I found out about your transition, my doorbell rang. I went to answer it, but there was no one there. It rang again and again, no one was there. I called the concierge to tell him someone was ringing my doorbell. He checked the camera and told me no one was there.

“You promised me you were coming to spend time with me after the Grammys. I believe the spirits allowed you to come after all.”

As Maiysha said after reading it, “This is the dream we wake up to everyday, but it’s still a dream.”

We thank you, Whitney, for stepping into the dream with us and blessing us with the full concerto that was your life. We delighted in the crescendos, were disappointed by the lows, and cheered for you to thrill us again.

We made your life about us: who we wanted you to be…for us. How excited you must be to step outside of the glare of Earth’s harsh and often painfully judgmental spotlight!

You deserve this time. Bask in the Loving Light of our Creator, Dearest Sister! We celebrate your new life; we love you and deeply cherish your eternal soul.

Pat ArnoldJoin me March 29-31 at “The Gold Rush” spiritual conference for women!

Come hear Iyanla Vanzant, Susan Taylor and other dynamic speakers. On Friday, have some fun in my latest Drama Queen Workshop: “Have You Lost Your MINE?” It’s gonna be a blast! For more information, click here.